So I was having a movie night with the Missing Couch crew, and, bored of movies and full of pizza, we started up an ironic RPG, after browsing through Rate My Teacher for a while. We RPed as our various science teachers. Here is the result.
Newcastle, Franco, Smythe, and Philips in the foxy woods. Foxes abound. Francecastle (Newcastle x Franco) try to get dinner, and, in doing so, dissolve Fox 1’s spinal cord with a vial of 18M HF; they feel bad, and bury this fox.
Smythe and Philips follow the two as they gather mediocre flowers and make a memorial by a dubious ~river~, and, while doing that, gather Smythe and string; they fail to make arrows, though. Bloody skeletons being hard to find.
Francecastle decide to go swimming in the suspiciously idyllic river, and, after two kilometres, find that they’re no longer in the foxy woods, and are instead in the West Vancouver swimming pool.
Smythe fails at framing the two for defecating in the pool, due to a lack of evidence.
Homophobic douchecop is suspicious of Francecastle wearing just underwear, and, as such, questions them— he laughs at the cockstop comment, suggesting that their faces will stop cocks better than anything else. As he talks into a walkie-talkie, sirens are heard in the background.
Philips successfully constructs a spider-web trap that could theoretically trap Francecastle.
Franco gets caremad at the sight of Griacs episode 8 (The Newcastle-Deng Relationship Escapade), and slaps a pool noodle into the water; a vial of 6M HCl gets dislodged from his utility satchel, gorily dissolving a small child’s legs.
Smythe shows video evidence of Acid Fun Time to the lifeguard and a convenient cop. Believing that, all 27 cops at the pool mobilise in pursuit of Francecastle.
Philips cannot fit a rocket launcher into her pocket.
Newcastle takes a bottle of 18M HF, and, using his godmode physics powers, horribly scars the faces of all 27 cops. Franco starts up the Physicsmobile, and, with the sheer power of human volition, Francecastle get themselves to Whalley. Hooray, North Surrey Dangerous Fun Place Yay. 8D
Smythe literally convinces the whole of Surrey to chase after Francecastle with the promise of science lessons. Philips fails to build a spider-trap gun.
Newcastle and Franco yaoi it up in the middle of Surrey, and, like such, turn the whole city against Smythe and Philips. An army of Surrey people who can help them find the mystical cockstop. The resulting army marches across both Port Mann bridges and the Second Narrows, literally surrounding West Vancouver. They all have gunswords. Retaining the favour of Ron Paul and Gary Johnson, they successfully surround West Vancouver.
Smythe and Philips attempt to rally the people of West Vancouver against the Surrey Gunsword Fucker Crowd, but, due to being bad at rhetoric, get booed off stage, assisted in the process by avant-garde French tomatoes. Jewish Motorcycle Man and his Aryan girlfriend pick the two up on their Jewish motorcycle. Philips calls A Guy, who is in a relationship, on her emergency phone; this A Guy offered to do one amazing favour for her in her life. A Guy is a Russian terrorist. Being a gun virtuoso, A Guy manages to kill 5/13ths of the Surrey Gunsword Fucker Crowd, while riding on a Zoroastrian motorcycle.
Francecastle depart on the Physicsmobile to a now-deserted Surrey, leaving their posse to do its work while they head off to acquire a new cockstop. They fail at this, landing the Physicsmobile right inside the iOS 7 announcement at WWDC 2013. On the way there, they accidentally drive over Steve Jobs’ cremation urn, his ashes coalescing into Robotic Bill O’Reilly.
Smythe and Philips successfully escape on the Queen of Oak Bay. They get stuck in a collapsing mineshaft under Nanaimo, now surrounded by carbon monoxide.
Francecastle try to get Bill O’Reilly to help them with retrieving the cockstop— while the audience of the show joins in with the effort, all that the daring duo receives out of the endeavour is a 9’ silicone dragon phallus. They then try to establish a conspiracy with attempting to kill Smythe and Philips, but instead end up persuading Justin Trudeau to fuck his father back to life, and the two then take over Canada. The War Measures Act prevents the cockstop from being found, as said article is actually a secret weapon of the FLQ. Smythe and Philips survive.